Friday, June 6, 2014

Pillow Talk

One of the things that drives my dear husband nuts is that, after we retire and drifting off to sleep, I get all philosophical and sometimes verbalize my musings.

Last night was no exception.

Lori: Dave?
Dave: Hm?
L: Do you think you live every day as if it were your last?
D: No.
L: Me neither.
<long pause>
L: I think we are doing it wrong.
D: Well, I think you should lay there and over think it then.
L: You're an ass.

And so on.

But he was right.  I did sit there and think about it for awhile.  I sat and wrote a lengthy post in my head, fell asleep, and forgot most of what I had planned to write by the time G came into our room to snuggle in the morning.

The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that - for the most part - I do actually live every day as if it were my last.  I mean, I wouldn't go to work.  That isn't something I'd like to do on my last day of life.  But I wake up with love and I fall asleep with love.  Not always, but most of the time.  I'd ask D to stay home from his work, I'd call up my family in the morning, have one last conversation, then spend the rest of the day as I do most Thursdays through Sundays: be with G.  Watch her grow.  Sit out on the porch and see the bright morning sun light up all the dew on the spring green grass.  Feel the breeze on my skin.  See a coyote run off after Moose declared his territory.  Drink coffee.  Snuggle.  Miraculously have all the rest of the seasons filmed of Game of Thrones and binge watch it with D while G takes her nap and goes to bed.

Peaceful.

I think that the point of life isn't so much about the peaks of happiness or the depths of despair we run into from time to time.  It's the every day peace we find with our lives and ourselves.  Taking the time to appreciate the beauty of our reality when life isn't going full speed colored in one emotion or another.

When I do finally die, I won't be thinking about the outliers of my experiences, but rather the sum of everything, and hoping it comes out to just about right.  So far, I think the math is working in my favor.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

10 Years Later

My life for the last several years has been rather bizarre.  Not in a true sense, of course.   I'm not riding flying unicorns and fighting a battle with a anthropomorphic floating octopus who is hell bent on taking over the world.  Although that would be a neat B-movie.

No, my life is strange because my mind can't grasp the passage of time.  A part of me is still in my twenties, still trying to figure out life and expecting to have the time to do so.  Not anymore.  I'm on the downhill slide to 40, and I have the traditional American dream: husband, kid, house, fence, dog.  It's mostly awesome, but I seriously sit back sometimes and go, "WHOA.  Just... whoa.  When the hell did this all happen?"

I think I spent so much time thinking about where my life is going to be at in 10 years, and here I am 10 years later and my musings have become a reality.  I'm 10 years later.  And although I do have great things in place, I feel like I haven't accomplished much as an individual.

I think I'm ready to start focusing on Me again.  I'm already starting.  I'm reading again (!!!).  I'm buying newer clothes so I can feel good about the size I am now.  I'm thinking about getting my long, unkempt hair cut and colored.

What is next?  Writing.  I do love to write.  I've missed it.  So I think I'm going to start small.  Write a bit on this blog and the other family blog, once a week.

So June is Getting Back Into Writing month.

I'm back!